Snippets of My Life

I’m just sitting on my bed while I wrote this one. Alone, on a Saturday night. Suddenly I think of my life, achievement, family, and so on. I think of what’s exactly 'what I need’, not ‘what I want’ for my life :(

I’m 26 years ((old)) this year.

I ain’t young anymore. More than a quarter of a century.

I realize I’m getting older. There’re so many responsibilities that I’ve to take care of. The higher the expectation that I’ve to receive from (especially) my parents and exactly from society too. 

Honestly, I need someone to lean on. Trying to be strong is much tiring for me. I need someone who always listens to all of my sad and happy stories. I need someone who gives me some positive advice. Someone who can give me more insights. I’m still looking for that person and I wish I can find him. 

Masyarakat seringkali nyinyir dan julid dengan perempuan usia 20an yang masih single. Yah begitulah kehidupan masyarakat yang kental dengan paham patriarki. Perempuan seolah barang yang diperdagangkan dan memiliki masa kadaluwarsa. 

Parahnya lagi, beberapa orang seringkali sibuk mempertanyakan orientasi seksual perempuan yang masih lajang di usia ini. Yah ini yang gue rasain beberapa kali. Karena gue nggak pernah keliatan dekat dengan lelaki, ada oknum yang menduga gue nggak suka lelaki. Pengen gue tonjok rasanya. GUE NORMAL KALI!! 

Jujur gue sakit hati dikira gue nggak doyan lelaki. Kalau gue nggak punya sopan santun, udah gue maki-maki orang yang meragukan orientasi seksual gue. Gue nangis abis ditanyain itu, rasanya sakit banget. Ya Allah tega bener sih orang itu. Semoga Allah selalu memberikan kesabaran yg tak terbatas pada hamba.

Gue tuh juga pengen nikah, mikirin masa depan juga. Tapi emang belum ditakdirkan Allah untuk ketemu jodohnya. Jadi gue harus nikah sama siapa kalau emang belum ada lelakinya. Kesel kan gue jadinya. Hidup udah susah, makin susah rasanya :(( 

An amazing and challenging year. I laughed, I cried, I failed. There were so many things that happen in my life. I laughed at all the good times and jokes around me. I cried for a few reasons and no reasons why. Besides that, I also failed. Again, I failed to build a serious relationship with someone. Sometimes, I still blamed myself. Why in this world happens to me? Seriously, ask me. But, I know it'll be any lessons that I can learn from that. Sure! 

I feel blessed for all the things in 2019, more than ever. 

Thank God.

Thank my family, 

My close friends, who always help me to survive, be ready to listen to my stories.

Cheer up for the new beginning. Wish a new year will be full of health, more good moments, good people and all joys. Let's write down the dreams and hopes. Also, pray more.

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Regards,

Nina.